You captivate me with what you are, preferably with that smile of yours. I got crazy over you back then. And i still do, even till now. I got to know you soon after, happy as i was felt. My feelings for you eventually started to develop more and more as each passing day. Not long after, i expressed out my love to you, hoping you would accept it, and how you were feeling at that moment, I'm not sure myself but you did accept my love. Love. That's where it all started....
I give everything that i could from the start, afraid of not giving enough, afraid of you leaving me. I pamper you more than one pampers their own child. I was afraid that we would fall, out of the littlest thing of all then. But i was determined to give us the best, nothing but the best. I seek advices from my best mates, one who sincerely never fail to offer great helps to me, to give a bright start of my relationship. Yes, i learn and put it to work right after. I never get tired of seeing you every single day and each time, time would always flies so fast when we met. We vent our misses each time we met, even though its just a day or two. Yes, my mind and soul was all focus on just you, all alone. I admit i don"t care much about other stuffs cause i was in love, deeply in love with you. The feeling, you can never imagine it, ever....
The first time you got upset, i got worried so much that my mind, my heart wouldn't feel at ease, for thinking that i did something badly wrong to you. But you just deny and tell me that you're fine. Little did i know how cute you can get when i got to know the reason why you sulked.
The first time you ate out with me, shy as a cat you were. Seemed so careful and taking precautions on how you eat back then. But now, well, its a total different thing, right? wink.
Time flies, and soon little quarrels grow to bigger ones. I did stupid stuffs, and soon you did yours too. Those were the moments, where heart aches, totally aches. Sometimes i wish those would never happen at all..
A year passed, and i do have to admit things weren't as sweet as it was last time. I know its silly to be saying that after a long time of being together, things will just go plain normal. I rbr telling you that, but when i think back about it, those are just silly excuses people would give. I mean, look at the people around. Yes, you'll see people's marriage are just looking fine plain. A couple may seen going out, but take a look again. The husband can just be seen walking in front, leaving the wife behind him. Is it how its suppose to be? I don't know. But hey, even some elder couple are looking as loving still at their age, holding hands as they walk, lie on the guy shoulder to rest in the bus.So why can't i be doing that too, right?
My patience grew little by little, and each time you sulk or get a little angry, i will always have something to say to you and thus, we ended up fighting like cats and dogs. I started looking at things in a different view. I thought that you and i should just go easy yet loving. I didn't thought that much surprises are needed anymore. Then, at one point of time, you did make me realized. You make me realised that indeed there's a change in me. Lazy, effortless, i was like that at the point of time. I didn't think hard enough to keep going making things a lot funner. The old Rusyad.. where are you...
I was back up on my feet, if not for the words that totally hit into my head. Yes, partly, the old Rusyad was back, slowly. There were bit of tiffs here and there but there were some enjoyment and laughter as well.
But then, when arguments and quarrels started to get back again, i tried to be dominant. Cause by then, i though you were too much. I tried telling you things which you wouldn't wanna listen at all. Even no matter how much I've said, you wouldn't want to listen. And who's to blame? Yes, that would be me.. I did quite a number of reflections on myself telling that hey, i shouldn't be like that. have some patience. It helps, for a while, and i burst out at you once again in the next argument we had. And i did it again, but this time, really telling myself to control my temper. I admit I'm a very short tempered guy, but to this lovely lady of mine, its just a different thing. I mean i do vent out my anger at you too after that. You were stunned, you were shocked, scared? i don't know. And soon you've seen how easy i could burst out. Not to forget you too.
This soon begin to be a part and parcel of the daily life you and i had. We tolerate and sometimes can't tolerate. But we still have our good times too. Monthsary never fails to be celebrated. Cards, bears, shirts, dinners such. It was quite all right, happy as can be are we.
Its almost half a year again, and coming to two years soon. Well, not quite soon. But somehow, things doesn't go very well at times. From the very slightest thing of all, it can grow to something very major. Yes, breakups. You talked about them, and i did too. And in a mood of anger, those words can be a slip of tongue. Well, i never wanted a breakup at all, cause i know that however the situation might be, you and i could solve it in a peaceful and nice way. Because sometimes i see people breaking up here and there when if they could just use their brains more, they might be able to avoid in breaking up.
There was this moment when you and i quarrel and yes, you really mean your words when you decided on a break up for you see it rather pointless continuing. I did wonder a lot why you did say that at the point of time. Because seriously, i never thought you would. Cause i know it ain't easy to just let the other party go. And i got totally worried, paranoid, stressed up, whatever you might wanna call it, for i wouldn't want you leave me just like that. You wouldn't wanna talk to me, neither see me too. I did ask you not to go, and eventually beg you. Yes i did beg, for i wouldn't wanna lose the one that i love so much. I love you..
There are much nice things outside, there are far better people around, but believe me when i say this, its only you. Countless and countless of times there were mistakes all over. Yes which human being can ever run from a mistake right. One moment everything was looking all right, and the next, Ka-boom, there goes another round of fighting. Boy, i sure hate it and i know you do too. Who likes it anyway.
Well it seems that I'm asking much, but I'm not. You know how much i hate getting into a quarrel with you and i would just want to stop things that moment, but you, you won't that, cause the feeling of anger and dislike is still there. I know it takes time to cool down and such, i know I'm different from you. I've got to understand that, yes.
Over and over again it was the same one. I, who else.
Its not gonna be that easy, this time. I would be stupid enough to just say sorry and expect things to be all right. But then again, i won't wanna cause any disharmony between us. I admit i do make mistakes , be it verbally or physically and it just upset you further. I do give my best to you, i do attend to your needs when i can, all because i wanna see you looking happy and never sad being with me. I know what I'm giving now ain't much, but i give you my sincere love and i hope you do take it with an open heart. But its just so stupid silly things that i did, causes everything to go wrong. I do hate it, and hence it did happened again somehow.
You're closing your doors now i know. I just hope you would be able to forgive me in time.
I am sorry, my love...
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