Back

Today marks the day that i start blogging again. I'll make time to write every day be it how tiring or how well the day went. Instead of just passing the time like that every day, i figure these few things i do is at least a start of me trying to make myself better. 

There are a lot of things that has happened over times i went missing from blogging. Happy times to bad times, those are just part and parcel of my daily life and i have to go on and look forward to a better day each time. 

Over the past few years i always tell myself that i will change for the better. But nothing changed. Everything i do was just temporary. And that i would always, ALWAYS get back to my old habits. And habits, they cant be good right? Sometimes i myself do not know how else should i go about trying to improve on myself? Of course i always talk but the actions have yet to be proven. So then i ask myself. How long? How long am i gonna be in this state? Im not getting any younger. Everything that i do now i have to think of the future. Yes people may say enjoy life while you can. So what does that suppose to mean? Enjoy life till you get married? So means when you get married, you wont be enjoying life at all? It doesnt make sense does it? Why cant it be like enjoy your life forever? Married or not, still you are and you will be enjoying life right? 

Sorry i keep jumping from topic to topic but my main concern here is to talk about myself. Yes im still the same me since the last time i blogged. Nothing has changed. Not my attitude not my weight not myself. And why? Cause i am doing nothing about it. Am i trying? No. And why? Cause i always give excuses to myself, i always delay and prolonged things and i always never try to do anything right. Sometimes i feel like seeking help. Professional help. Because i need all the help i can get for myself. 

I did try to make myself better but i did nt try hard enough. I gave up halfway, i gave up cause i think there's always tmr. 

I cant stand myself let me tell you that. Yes i got some support from my girlfriend, my family but at the end it all comes down to me right? If i dont help myself then who will? 

I am trying and i am trying to push myself as well. It is very hard because of the state that i am in. Not that its severe or anything but because im fat and im always lazy. I have so many goals and aims but what am i doing? Sitting down like a hippo doing nothing. Can i stand myself? NO.